Why Am I Always in a Rush?
I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert on patience here, far from it. Like all of my blogs I’m not giving advice or displaying mastery, only sharing my experiences to try and carve out some sort of lesson.
When it comes to being in a rush, I’ve always seemed to be rushing from one point to the next; whether it was rushing to school or work, rushing to get out of a conversation or rushing for the sake of rushing, I rarely stopped to think about it.
I never asked myself why I felt the need to furiously pass the guy driving too slow knowing full well we’d both end up at the red light next each other; or why I rushed to work, barely arriving on time, tweaked, but totally aware I’d wasted half an hour in my bed when I woke up scrolling Instagram liking Batman and bikini pictures instead of leaving when I should have.
Am I in a rush because I have such a busy schedule, or am I just procrastinating with stupidities, and willingly stressing myself out, almost in a self-sabotaging kind of way?
Is that what makes me irritable and generally pissed off? Is self-induced rushing the culprit?
I think I may be onto something here…
The beauty about my blog is when I’m spontaneously writing, with no real plan other than an idea, it tends to lead me on surprisingly interesting paths.
I always figured it was in my nature to be kind of on edge, but apparently nature has nothing to do with it!
Over the past little while I’ve started to question more and more why I am in fact in such a rush, or what value it can possibly bring; I’ve acknowledged there’s no good reason whatsoever. Running won’t get me there faster, only more irritated. Would budgeting my time properly allow me to actually soak in the moments I’m always trying to rush out of?
When I went to Greece in the spring, I literally had nowhere to be, nowhere to go and I felt true serenity for the first time, ever! (I wrote a blog/song about it http://ohmic.com/oh-mic-maybe/)
When I got back home and sat in my car at the airport, I wasn’t as inclined to speed home; what was the rush, my place wasn’t going anywhere and how much time would I really save? And what did I even need to be home for? To sit down on the couch and watch TV?
I guess rushing was (and still is) a habit, but one I wasn’t necessarily aware of until now.
However as I become more aware of it, I’m realizing how obvious a waste it is. When I take those moments to acknowledge the present, I feel like my overall vibe shifts to a much more positive one; I’m generally happier and less triggered. I get to enjoy where I am versus worry about where I should be, and that newfound perspective changes everything!
I’ve only just started to get a taste of this serenity, and I still have a lot of work to do in order to build that muscle, but let me tell you, it’s relaxed the hell out of me! I really do try to take the time to let magic happen. I quite enjoy going for coffee, and instead of immediately storming out, I like to take a seat and chat up whoever’s around. I couldn’t possibly do this if I had to be somewhere right away, so that’s why I’ve budgeted my time to allow for those kinds of things to happen.
When I plan too tightly, I’m setting myself up for aggravation. If I have to be somewhere at 10:00 am, I won’t jump in the shower at 9:48 (or at least try not to anymore). I’ve found getting up a little earlier, going for that coffee and benefiting from the spontaneity of the unknown interactions sets my day in positive motion.
Like I said earlier, I’m still figuring this out, but the evidence so far is definitely lowering any type of anxiety, which is always my own doing.
So what’s the rush? I don’t think there needs to be a rush. I’ve become a lot more relaxed and whenever I find myself squirrelling about, I just ask myself: “Dude, are you in a rush because you were an idiot this morning? Are you in a rush because your time management skills are less than stellar?”
The answers to those questions pull the blame off that slow driver, or the evil red lights and even the traffic, and they have me cruise into the middle lane and say “Hey, I’m going to be late, nothing I can do about it other than turn up the radio and roll down the windows!”