Am I Impatient?
I’ve never seen myself as a patient person; patience always meant waiting, and I get bored quickly, so naturally we never got along.
I always had the tendency to get consumed by my frustration due to my lack of patience and it would negatively impact many aspects of my life. Work, friends and family would all feel the unwarranted wrath; I could be short, volatile and mean because of how unsatisfied I was of my results as I chased my tail around; no time or care for anyone.
Now that I think about it, did I suffer from a debilitating form of impatience, or was I just bored?
I like to compare it to planting something in a garden. I essentially planted a seed, watered it, stared at it, freaked out at it’s lack of progress and stressed myself out about how bad of a decision it was to even plant this thing in the first place; it had been four hours. Ridiculous behaviour from that point of view, I know, but it wasn’t so far removed from how I was living my life.
My life was a rich, empty garden and I was focused on one plant. What I wasn’t seeing was all the room for more seeds to be planted, in different parts of the garden, with slightly different methods used to grow them.
When my attention now spread throughout the garden, I was less focused on the one, original plant which seemed to bring me so much agony. I was able to focus on the garden as a whole. Some plants did better than others, but altogether the garden was growing beautifully, with a diverse array of color and aroma; I was learning about gardening at a tremendous rate.
The original plant was no longer being over-watered, over-stressed or being asked for more than it was capable of. It was now blossoming beautifully, with the freedom and positivity to prosper. Did I still feel the agony it once brought me? No, with a clearer perspective I was now able to love it for what it was and not for what I wanted it to be.
This blog definitely took a turn in a direction I wasn’t expecting (that’s the beauty of freestyling) but I really feel like it hammers home my state of mind these days.
Maybe impatience is just a sign of an abundance of energy that should be harnessed and pointed in a few different directions. Maybe there isn’t enough stimulation for our active minds if focused solely in one direction.
By no means have I conquered impatience, I go through spells, like right now. when I start to see some of those negative behavioral patterns pop up I have to take a step back and recalibrate. I haven’t found a perfect formula but looking in the mirror to ask myself if I’ve been an ass lately usually does the trick!
In the wise words of Joe Dirt: “Life’s a garden, dig it!”